Journal
Monday, November 28, 2005 >To all whom dreams crashed, falling upon darkness.
"Solitude"
Time flies when words strung out, numbing the bitter nerve. Defrostation took place, Everything seem to be in summer,
From the frosted white fingers, darkness in the heart, you brought warmth and light. Turning upon an unretaliatable liquid.
Just as words strung out once again, froze all happiness in me. Bitterness awakened, Negligible autumn, forver winterness.
Eclipse seems to take place forever. Light and warmth never took place, Darkness and chill, mutated the mind into an unfeeling solid.
When solitude occurs, does anyone bothers?
Sunday, November 27, 2005 >MTV playing : 1) Her ghost of you 2) You Light Up My Life 3) Hero (pls tune ur speaker louder for this song) 4) Can't Fight The Moonlight 5) At the beginning
MTV's plays automatically...
Friday, November 25, 2005 >" Memory Puzzle "
Just before sleep, we catalogued our uncertainties, Nestled in the arms of what might have been: Waves of possibility swamped our dreams. Glimsp of hope shone through our mind.
Still, we thought, there would be a moment, The coming together after years apart: Cradled by this peace, we slept. Darkness awakened and misted the eyes.
She opens the door, and there is an awkward pause: Here, between beats of the heart and pauses of the clock, A decade of moments and infinite paths converge. Thoughts mustered up through the body.
Before she speaks, hand on the door, she looks up, Smiling: Her collar is open, and the light Follows the smooth bone into shadow. Uncontrollable thoughts numbed the brain.
At that moment between the words, While memory flashes through our veins, but disintegrate upon awakening. It is the sum of her that dries my throat.
Thursday, November 24, 2005 >"Twilight Effects"
Nothing in this world is softer than water Yet nothing is better at overcoming the hard and strong
This is because that nothing can alter it. Though the soft overcomes the hard And the gentle overcomes the aggressive is something that everyone knows, but none can do that themself.
Therefore the sages says, The one who accepts the dirt of the state becomes its master. The one whom accepts the calamity becomes the king of the world. Truth seems contradictory.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005 >Now playing : Sundial dreams
"Twilight funeral"
Blackened and cold is the dusk A veil where the shadows watch Behind the dim requiems of light When blindness envelopes our eyes
Silent and unholy is the dusk A hole where the demons smirk Beyond the clutters of human life When deafness embraces our ears
Sable nothingness is the dusk A shroud where the ravens flock Tainting the purity of white clouds When darkness devours our hearts
Inevitable death is the dusk A cloak where the daggers hide Under the facade of tranquility When mortality is but a quip
a poem adapted from www.blankwithoutyou.blogspot.com
Monday, November 21, 2005 >As the silent night pass by.. these familiar words creep into his mind slowly....
Thought it wouldn't matter if we didn't stay together, and if it was over, maybe it was for the better. I was thinking I'd be alright, 'til I thought it all through. Now I know that I ain't really living if I have to live without you. I don't wanna live without your love, I don't wanna face the night alone. I could never make it through my life if I had to make it on my own. I don't wanna love nobody else, I don't wanna find somebody new. I don't wanna live without your love, I just wanna live my life with you. Guess I had to go away, so much I had to go through. Guess I had to lose you to realize how much I love you. Can we make the fire burn again, burn a little stronger? 'Cause I've been alone, and baby, I can't be alone now any longer. I don't wanna live without your love, I don't wanna face the night alone. I could never make it through my life if I had to make it on my own. I don't wanna love nobody else, I don't wanna find somebody new. I don't wanna live without your love, I just wanna live my life with you. Oh, if I had to make it on my own, my life would never be the same, my love would never be the same. I don't wanna live without your love.
>How do I get through one night without you If I had to live without you What kind of life would that be Oh and I, I need you in my arms Need you to hold You're my world, my heart, my soul If you ever leave Baby you'd take away everything good in my life Without you there'd be no sun in my sky There would be no love in my life There'd be no world left for me And I, baby I don't know what I would do I'd be lost if I lost you If you ever leave Baby, you would take away everything real in my life And tell me now
How do I live without you I want to know How do I breathe without you If you ever go How do I ever, ever survive How do I, how do I Oh how do I live If you ever leave Baby you would take away everything Need you with me Baby 'cause you know that you're everything good in my life And tell me now
How do I live without you Without you baby
Friday, November 18, 2005 >Angsty
There were 2 routes lying in front now, facing reality or escaping. He took a deep breath and summoned all his courage to try to face what so called as the reality. Cold gales of wind blew, leaves rustling violently which all points to an eminent storm approaching. Thunder rang through the air and lightning flashed across the sky so constantly that it seemed like day. Rain poured down directly on him as though Heaven was against him too. Jeps determination dimmered by the day and finally, he chose the latter way.. He embarked upon another journey his life, living the land of despair.. Angsty was filling up his mind not only that, the 7 sins also pre-occupied the mind of kindness. His future was bleak, didn’t noe where he himself was going too.. until he reached a place that he had never left any footstep before. It was a building in a desolate land... Jeps stepped into the building, the decor that the building was simply out of the ordinary. There was a golden plated horse in the middle of the "lobby" which seems to try to gallop out of the majestic door. There was a spiral staircase up to as high as 6storeys high, a big signboard which isn’t hanging properly and seems like it is dropping.. Jeps proceeded to the reception and asked for a room. As he stepped into the room, he was largely disappointed due the the contrast of the "lobby" and the room.. Jeps than ventured to the places, to his surprise, there were many alchemists with their thick glasses mixing coloured chemicals. After that, there were many other rooms filled with biologists and some cleaners.
2years later..
In a blink of eye, 2 yrs had passed.. Jeps had somehow "escaped" from the inner demon.. but he himself understood.. It is becoming part of his life.. and.. mayb, death is the key to this lock..
Sunday, November 13, 2005 >Jeps thought to himself... How do i live without you.. can sumone enlighten me?
| |
Wednesday, November 09, 2005 >Double Blow
Everything jux seem to fall from the sky, piling up a heavy burden, not only on his back.. but majority is in his heart. Something where he was unable to defeat himself. Uncontrollable emotions runs through his blood stream. Now, hes emotionally crippled.. n dun tink tt theres anithg able to warm up his heart anymore..
------------------------------+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-----------------------------
after much pessimistic posts.. heres sum optimistic stuffs.. check it out! Think Positive!! This is nice - finding positive out of every negative - which we don't always manage to do. I am thankful... 1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep with me and not with someone else. 2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home & not on the streets. 3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed. 4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends. 5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat. 6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine. 7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning because it means I have a home. 8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech. 9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation. 10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means that I can hear. 11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear. 12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard. 13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am stilll alive. HAVE A NICE DAY!
| |
Thursday, November 03, 2005 >Pessimistic v.s Optimistic Days passed by and Jeps finally woke up. No one noticed his missing appearence, or rather, there isnt anyone. He slowly got up on his feet but the energy in him was running low. With great determination, he dragged his feet and stepped out of the room that was filled with much despair. The sun shone directly through the cerulean sky and warmed the ground beneath his feet. Though it was ensured by his brain countlessly that it was a Sunrise, but Jeps had another feeling, Sunset. Soon, he stepped towards a highland and looked towards a place filled with warmth, joy and happiness. There was a main big hall with a big chandelier at the centre of the hall, a big mejestic door that seem to welcome any guest with open arms. Sounds of happiness rang through his mind but suddenly, his mind came to a moment of emptiness when he saw the spider-webs that hung like streamers along the hall. Towards north, there is 2 big rooms which contained cabinets of books, each coated with thick dust of more that 1/2 an inch. and now, to the south, there is a big bedroom with a bed where its size is comparable to the door at the living.
Things were never before, he thought to himself. Everything had changed and there is something still puzzles him as before.. Is death really an end to life or mayb.. it is just a start..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A story for thought:
One day, 2 monks called zhi kong and yun shi, senior and junior respectively. Both of them were walking till the reach a stream where there was a lady there. The lady asked the monk to carry her over the stream as she didnt wanna dirty her clothes. The junior refused as he said that "woman and man should keep a distance" while the senior was willing to carry the lady over. After carrying the lady across the stream, senior put her down and they continued walking. During the 3hours of their walk, the junior scolded senior for the whole 3 hours untill they reached a dilapidated temple. The senior said "i've already put her down, why are you still carrying her?"
(this is translated by myself from chinese)
| |
Voices
Quotes
"if someone loves you,
love them back not only because they love you,
but also because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes
to things you have never seen or felt without them."
(ripped from solasura-honz)
As you envelope my mind,
thoughts are all about you.
I hope that you could walk into the ghost of me.
My heart have been delievered to your doorstep, do you accept this mail?
Could you pull out some time for me
and give both of us a chance to be together.
Waiting isn't a problem,
losing you would be the biggest trauma I would get.
May this day where our hearts bond together come soon.
Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal.
A recollection of poetry
"Twilight funeral"
Blackened and cold is the dusk
A veil where the shadows watch
Behind the dim requiems of light
When blindness envelopes our eyes
Silent and unholy is the dusk
A hole where the demons smirk
Beyond the clutters of human life
When deafness embraces our ears
Sable nothingness is the dusk
A shroud where the ravens flock
Tainting the purity of white clouds
When darkness devours our hearts
Inevitable death is the dusk
A cloak where the daggers hide
Under the facade of tranquility
When mortality is but a quip
- Solasura
"Muted Joy"
Words appearing before aquamarine eyes,
Inner warmth awakened.
Coldened heart was melted,
returning to its liquidfied state.
Hopes of rain fallen,
sheltered by feelings.
Flooded everywhere,
but not a single drop here.
Tune rings by the ears,
Emotions being mixed up.
Weak and deplorable,
Just takes the shape of you.
Ensnared by you,
Unintentionally or intentionally,
unable to be freed,
till Reaper's Scythe appears.
Which will appear first, rain or scythe?
"Solitude"
Time flies when words strung out,
numbing the bitter nerve.
Defrostation took place,
Everything seem to be in summer,
From the frosted white fingers,
darkness in the heart,
you brought warmth and light.
Turning upon an unretaliatable liquid.
Just as words strung out once again,
froze all happiness in me.
Bitterness awakened,
Negligible autumn, forver winterness.
Eclipse seems to take place forever.
Light and warmth never took place,
Darkness and chill,
mutated the mind into an unfeeling solid.
When solitude occurs, does anyone bothers?
- Takizawa
|