Jepsovania Journey

2011-08-27T20:27:00.003+08:00

im going to say goodbye to everything. and just broke down uncontrollably. tears just flowed.

goodbye doramon. goodbye.

i thought i have already forgotten totally, but yet, when i see everything,tears flowed.
i will never see you again and i never want to.
this shall be the last time im crying for you, because, ill never see, talk or think of you again.

This is the end of the book and i want to burn it away.

2011-08-27T00:19:00.002+08:00

A real blur day.. i kept thinking i have library training during the LTB meeting at 10. but in fact i dont -.- it is only on 16sept omg. then went out for movie with fly, watched cars2! I think the movie is worth the money! its funny, and we had some short clib from toy story which was super funny as well. :D

The movie also talked about deeper issues like friendship, be confident of yourself, teamwork and most importantly, don't bother on how others judge you. You are you. :)

'When people are laughing at the fool, they never thought that the fool was themselves.'

We had lunch at Indulge at cathay and the food is just average.. probably an alternative if you are sick of astons! a good place to study! they play nice songs and its quiet :)

After that we went for Ballare which I enjoyed:) I think its really slow and beautiful. With my 0 talent, I hope i can learn how to dance this properly>.<. And to be able to dance with the one you love will make it even more beautiful. :)

That's a pretty eventful day and I hope you are happy:) Wishing u with all the luck I have and praying for you, that samba masala will be a success for you!

Gambatte!

2011-08-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

Obsessed, depressed at the same time; And I can't even walk a straight line. I've been lying in the dark; no sunshine, no sunshine, no sunshine.

This sentence very much speaks for how I feel.. that I feel like I'm losing myself much in the hustle & bustle of everyday school life. How much longer can it be hidden, the smile can it still be there. But yet deep inside, I feel so lost. I dont have a clear purpose, and with the injury bugging me.. I can't have my regular dosage of medication(runs) to bring me back or at least, give me some peacetime.

School is indeed tiring and I'm trying to be disciplined which is really tiring.. hope i can get use to it soon.

And this song can't come any better, totally describing how I feel. Been lying in the dark, and I don't think this is really me. But, I can't go round spreading negativity too.

Ill have to spiral out of this negativity. and i love you.

2011-08-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

I won't say that running is my passion because that level is too high. But at least, I can say I love running. Running for the people you love is the most beautiful journey, even if the circumstances may be of the most unfavourable.

I love you. 25 minutes.

2011-08-14T03:23:00.002+08:00

Its the 30th day today.. from 16th to 14th now, time has flown by quickly! and it is amazing how things has pass by.. I don't know how will everything turn out for me, but I promise, I will do my best in all that I do- in studies, in activities, in friendship and relationship if there is.

have truly understood that loving someone does not equate to possession, just seeing the smile on her face can make the sky brighter at night.

today's song is, At the beginning. :) much memories, and much love.

2011-08-13T13:13:00.002+08:00

Thursday had a good lunch with my new mei over at nex korean bbq buffet! :D super random decision to have the buffet.. it tasted average but at least our stomach was full! I felt like a bottomless pit. =D

Most importantly, the company was great:)

Friday was Convoc day, meeting with ftb group once again was slightly awkward and didn't know how to talk at times. It was quite sad to see that my first known friends in SMU turned out to be in this state. After convoc had a nice dessert with fly because she's in the same state as me. heh. :)

25 minutes, take me to your heart.

2011-08-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

I do, cherish you. :)

2011-08-08T01:23:00.002+08:00

Today the song to be played is supposed to be Qing fei de yi by Harlem, but can't get it on youtubby.. so it became chi xin jue dui. Another fav song of mine (:. I guess I have too many fav songs..

ANyway, yesterday was a special day because it was the first time with contacts.. and today I took more than an hour to wear it myself! Finally figured it out. =D so happy. Now it is just getting use to the contacts :D YAY!

School's about to start, and in this last week, I'm starting work as well. :) Happy national day in advance!

2011-08-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

Waiting for you by Hu Yan Bin.

I'm waiting for you..

2011-08-05T19:12:00.002+08:00

Just had a ride from T15 vis chestnut and towards stream 1 via big rock.. it was a really nice place to ride today and I felt the adrenaline whilst riding..

Then the crash came.. my bike died, and my body too. No matter how many times I close my eyes and recall how I fell, There's just no explanation for it.. everything happened so fast. I thought I could ride it out down the slope, but at this point, I just felt a sudden drag and I flew off the bike. Now thinking of it, I felt that the rear came loose and dragged me with it.. which forms like a sudden rear jam brake.. tts why i flew. I dont remember crashing onto anything.. Sigh. gotta get this problem fixed and the brakes as well.. $$$.

And yes, I don't know why but there is something thats always on my mind..

2011-08-04T01:26:00.003+08:00

BIDDING FOR TODAY! Hope for the best, expect the worse- Get 0 Mods..

2pm is the time! 12more hours from now and its time to sleep soon~. RUnning in town is a whole new experience.. experience of weird stares and stopping at tons and tons of traffic light. Though from Dhoby Ghout to Far East sounds far.. its actually very near and you can get from one end to another in 10minutes.. :)

And bidding is really a bitch. Brain fried for the whole day. -.-

Nice bro talk over at Toa Payoh once again. :D CJ Odac rock your sock. xD

Anyway, song by JFM would be Bryan Adams, everything I do, I do it for you. :)
<3 - hybrid.

2011-08-02T19:36:00.002+08:00

Had a talk in SMU and most notably, the last lecture by randy pauch(i think i spelt it correctly?). That lecture is a classic that never age, and his words lives on.. Chase your dream, now or never. Don't be afraid to do it. Just like what people ask, why do you run so much? Currently my reply would be, Why not? and an interesting reply from my friend would be, 'If not wait till you old then run meh?' which is very true. =)

A song which is classic and playing in the air today is George Benson's nothing gonna change my love for you, an ever beautiful song.

Nothing's gonna change my love for you, you ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of, I'll never ask for more than your love.

2011-08-01T00:58:00.003+08:00

Had to urge to go for a run after I reached home.. the feeling of running seems to be an addiction, or an escapade. I find peace in that moment to think through things, but I can't be selfish to let my parents worry since it's the 7th month now. I believe in spirits, and respect that they are just another being. Sometimes, humans may be scarier than spirits, at the very least, you can see through them.

Happy with all my new found friends and the trust forged.. it has been great knowing all of you and the next 4 years im sure it will be enjoyable. (:
With the question of yes or no, right or wrong. It would be a yes and I have no idea if it's right. And there will be no definate answer. Life is contradicting.

All I can say is that, 'I'll be there for you'. I may say it at the end not because I'm expecting anything.. or actually I hope there can be, but still, I'm trying not to hope for anything. So When it comes, ill be much happier(: . back to the topic, Ill say it is because I do not want to live in regrets, just that, I dont want to lose a friend...

And I'm sorry for the awkwardness. I'm fine with it but, not sure for you.. really sorry.

I'll be there for you, These five words I swear to you, When you breath I want to be the air for you, I'll be there for you.

Anyway, JFM today will be playing Back at one by brian mcknight! Enjoy Square. (: hope you will like it.
One, you're like a dream come true.. Two, Just wanna be with you...

2011-07-31T02:54:00.002+08:00

Had a new hairdo for a new month, feeling much lighter and cooler. (:

Some things that I have thought about during runs yesterday and the long train rides I took today..

Throughout my life, I feel that I'm such an asshole.
I have not forged strong bonds for the past 21 years with my family members and relatives and I'm so selfish.

I do not dare to face failures, in competitions, in runs in everything. No one likes to fail, yes tts true. I need to remember to remember how to stand up after failing and come back stronger. Even in my relationships with people.. or the other part of me.

And now, JFM is playing a song by Shania Twain- From this moment..

2011-07-30T01:18:00.003+08:00

A 10km run in CJ, the place where my running journey began, and have not ended since then.

A run is never done alone, it is the support that gives him the purpose and tenacity to take the next step. Though it may not mean much to others, but every single runs means something.. Was happy that at least I managed to complete the 30rounds, but I just couldnt sustain at the pace I wanted to go. Sorry.

In the past, I would have stopped if I can't carry on at my targetted pace and start 1min later till I complete my 30 rounds. Today, it was different. I told myself, I must not stop. Nothing can stop me as long as my believe and purpose stood strong, Not even the pain that my knee gave. And it was the first time I'm running for this reason at a place where I love the most. This run is for you.

and JFM is playing Lonestar- amazed.

Everytime our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take..

2011-07-29T02:07:00.003+08:00

A really dusty place after 1year and 4months.. in case later someone who stumbled upon here will be saying this is an un-updated blog and will be obliged to give me something? :)

A new beginning, A new chapter, A brand new page to colour.

It's time to colour the pages and build the memories. (: Though apprehensive about the future, I do hope for the best for everyone, let's go!

May all our dreams come true. (:

and so far, it has been

1) I want to know what love is
2) Wei Yi
3) You & Me
4) Right Here Waiting For You
.
.
.
.

-hybrid=p

2010-03-14T20:53:00.002+08:00

leading a very busy life every single day that i hardly have time to have for myself only and just take a break at home.. in camp, its work work and more work. never ending work... and later followed on by more thgs after camp time. im not complaining.. but it feels good just to have some time for yourself, and relax at home.

yesterday was project 10km, 4th run alr. but i think im really damn weak.. guess its due to lack of rest.. i think i really need to sleep more nowadays. esp before training days.

soon monday will come.. and i just can't wait for wednesday.. and especially friday.

2010-03-03T23:30:00.002+08:00

my first lesson at bbdc!!! took the wheel for the first time and realised that driving is actually quite tiring on the legs and need to take note on quite a number of things... its just not as easy as it seems. everything was quite good i think, hopefully i can hit the road at my next lesson!! :D *prays*

2010-02-25T14:15:00.002+08:00

after going to the new place.. its such a crappy place to be. not doing anything and a waste of my time with the stupid start-of-the-day thing and end-of-the-day thing. it is so nonsense that i think im wasting more of my life away... reading my stuff, read newspaper, use comp for awhile, plan for my future.

project100km is going well.. and quite sure will be done by xphysique. sat gonna go try a lvl run.. hm, just test test lvl 0 if i can hit it. hahaha. new track, new record! :)

but today...
a heavy head and a tired body today.. resting well. yawnz.

2010-02-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

both cny and valentines are over already. its a good cny in a way.. but i feel that cny is getting more and more dull each year. i dont feel the kind of fun times that i had in the past, like more overnight mahjongs, more visitings to other people's house, the rush here and there kinda feeling makes it so much more fun! only had 2 overnight mahjong this year compared to the past where there are much more and like playing 5"dongs" in a night! i wonder if that time would ever come back and since vday and cny falls on the same day, many people still choose cny as the "dominent" day as vday is basically a day to express your love.. and what lies behind is actually a sad story of mahtyrs. go find out if you like! :) and totally agree with the person who always argues with me, we should always express our love every other day. there need not be a special day or someone to say that, "you should show your love on 14th feb" kinda thing.

Comon, for all those out there, tell or show the person your love for the person any day and not only on 14th feb, and most importantly, you mean it when you do it. Life's short, express your love today! (hmm, this sounds like an advert. but anyways.)

Love is so beautiful and powerful that you can do anything for it.

2010-02-07T21:46:00.003+08:00

everything that has happened so far is so great and 2010 is indeed a great year, but still, im cautious and will not let everything be just like 2009.

I feel that things are going the right track and its so much better. I like this kinda feeling and with the nice talk, lets hope things go super well! =D

Amazing thing that happened today that made me feel that singapore or this world isn't that cold/unfeeling after all. Met a old angmoh guy(its not a singaporean... sadly) while i was buying lunch. then because the store holder was from the country where most of our forefathers came from, there was a little problem communicating which is quite funny. Nontheless, the old guy still managed to get what he wanted as he prolly stayed here for more than a decade and picked up some things here and there. As the situation was quite funny, i looked at him and gave a polite smile, and he just sticked out his tongue just like a small child! damn funny. and then just started chatting. and the shocking thing came, as i was about to get my food, he went ahead and PAID MY LUNCH FOR ME. omg. and told me this, "in future, you can go ahead and do something nice for someone else too". or something along that line and i think its really true. if all of us can just do something nice for a random stranger each day, this world would be so much happier! but yet.. all of us squeeze into the mrt even before the alighting passengers.

SO, even though the meal was $2 only, i'm deeply touched by this act of kindness. Remember, little acts can brighten a person's day. and this brighten up my life.

2010-02-02T13:24:00.007+08:00

bringing back one old post...

My old Hum II professor used to tell us that wallets are a lot like girls, You really have to take good care of, because if you won't, something might happen...

I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing.

One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it.

You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization it's really gone.

Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed) people who get it back.

Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.

The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences.

They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.

You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost.

No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.

You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in.

You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there.

Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet.

And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it.

That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet.

And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.

what if you found your wallet suddenly?

2010-02-02T13:00:00.003+08:00

Had NVM training on sunday and was super cui.. guess my body is overworked and too tired already... imagine thur, fri gym.. morn got run, sun b4 nvm got bball, dan go climb 2x40. wah siao. >.<. and sat slp at like 5am wake up at 9. hohoho. gone. dan leads to MC for 2 days- mon and tues! sick sick sick.

this 2010 is starting with a great note, everything is going well and im happy. but im afraid. afraid of history repeating itself. I will be very much cautious over things that go too well now so even when shit happens, you can take it in your stride.

i will start today and make a new ending; a happy ending.

When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our lives, for moving forward is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness.
And while our sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future. A future of exciting challenges and infinite possibilities, in which the horizon will stretch out before us, trimmed in the heavenly glow of the sunrise of our tomorrow.

2010-01-29T22:07:00.001+08:00

Reminders:

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal.

DESIRE: If you really want something, you have to work hard for it, have the courage to fight for it, and be prepared to sacrifice for it.
R/S: Be strong and be patient. - IZ Lim

2010-01-24T17:30:00.002+08:00

Thinking about the times that passed...

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover. I love you forever, forever is over. We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight. So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye.

What hurts the most...was being so close and having so much to say, and watching you walk away...

Going through the times now...

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

2010-01-24T15:31:00.002+08:00

as usual.. last wk was all back in camp and nth much. basically the usual arrows flying around, g50 forms and well.. a shitload of paper to shread which i think i will take a week to do so. :/ den came TGIF! woot. i always love friday. :D

went back cj saw mr lim.. and the current j2s. though they did grow a little.. but i still dont think the level of maturity is there and their batch is very much segregated. the leader is good but not strong enough and lack of support from their base... probably due to poor foundation. but wells, hope they would have a common aim- to be a good good j2s to their j1 and let b13 be a better batch, a turning point...
did a 2.4km with them too! quite amazing that i can still do 9.20 and even more amazingly, it won a couple of them. hmms. happy but sad too. as usual, tp circle dinner and chit chat! =D

saturday nvm training with the team.. 1 set warm up, 1 set time trial.. freakkinnn shagged=( and a nt vry gd timing for competition but still ok for now. 4.44. a bad omen?
dinner later.. matchsticks fun and i had a very happy night, a type of happiness that touched your heart. =)

winning or losing isn't important, what matters is that everybody stays together.
when you love someone, you will not make her worry for you.

2010-01-17T20:42:00.002+08:00

last nite was at tp dinner at the holy circle again! =) a nice talk talk and im really glad for that session. and tt did encourage me to go and settle the problem once and for all. thanks guys and girls:) had supper after that and chatted till we forgot about the time. it was 12 alr and we thought its 10! its one of my happiest night after many months and.. i know what i really want.

the dreamt tt i had after tt just confirmed what i just say too.. even if its a nitemare, it taught me smth.

time for a new week of rubbish at hr again... zz. and im looking forward to go to sentosa tml aft work! hehe

2010-01-16T13:34:00.002+08:00

2 beautiful shows that recently i've watched, "A walk to remember" and "the lovely bones". both very touching stories..

A walk to remember is a touching love story with other factors like fatherly love etc. how much love can change a person and the beautiful side of it.
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense & is not resentful.

The lovely bones indeed shows that love triumph hatred and how the 14yr old girl looks over her family even after she's dead..
is this what will happen when we're dead? are we still able to look over the people we love? and what we feel will affect those living?
Even though we may be gone, or gone forever, we hope that our once presence made happy memories. When we have left, we hope things move on and become better. Everything comes at a cost and things come at a price.
We need to see ourselves as not part of it anymore to let go of it.

2010-01-03T14:56:00.003+08:00

the first post of 2010

ended 2009 at my house with t14peeps coming over.. hope they enjoyed and it wasnt as loud/noisy as last year. does time really makes people weary of each other and the relationship just gets diluted with time? what will the 2010 be for this little class of ours?

and first day of 2010 was at ht house! had a great talk, movie session and some games! it's just great to be able to talk to the batch and see all of em again! and well, lets see what goes in 2010 for us!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i wanted this year to come so badly, maybe because a new year means a new beginning? even if life just goes on as per normal, you still do the same thing, i guess we have to lie to ourselves at time to make us feel better. to give us hope that life will have a turn for the better. though bad it may be, the last year taught me many things that i never knew, or rather, it made me realize even further that a 1st person and 3rd person point of view is so different. you will find that you do so many "wrong things" when you're in it and only to realise it when it's too late or when it's over.

maybe 2009 was a lesson year and to prepare me for 2010. dont expect too much because the higher you hope, the harder you fall. 2010, im prepared for you.

i guess its time to stop hanging halfway and drop from the bungee rope. because i know you wont be there to pull me up.

2009-12-26T23:37:00.002+08:00

merry belated xmas blog. dis xmas was quite alright, spent the day with my family and watched ANC 2=) theodore is super duper cute! hoho. =D. hmmmm. dan later at nite met up with rodshoesdanyanghongtaaalgae. had a nice chit chatting session and its quite nice walking down orchard road with the lights all there. i like it=). it felt all perfect but smth seems to be missing.

and 26th had a xmas picnic but it rained initally! ugh. but anyways, we hid under the shelter and chit chat, eat and had funn! "its not a picnic without a mat!!" and "auntie with attitude!" rain stopped and we went on to the top!! first time kite flying and its so funn! heh. enjoyed it loads and im happy!=) so much laffter with the "Sotongman" and its truly an enjoyable experience.

lets hope things start to pick up..2010.

2009-12-23T22:58:00.002+08:00

read something that I really like from honz blog..

"best way to live life is to close our ears and open our minds. listen to opinions and comments but keep an open view on them. it doesnt matter, really, what other people think about you; the kind of things you do, the kind of clothes you wear, the kind of smile you put across your face. you do your own thing because no one knows you better and knows what's best for you other than you yourself."

"enjoying beautiful moments in life, forgetting the ugly ones and all in all, learning from everything life has to throw at us."

many of us care so much of what others think of us such that we are living a life in the shadows of others and are uncomfortable or even unhappy with what they wear, what they say, where they go. Don't tell me there isn't once you never thought of what others think of you. Do what's best for yourself, and dont listen blindly to what others say. Experiencing it yourself always gives you a clearer picture.
Plainly because, you are not him and he's not you.

LIVE YOUR LIFE!

2009-12-23T12:08:00.002+08:00

Had quite an interesting night ytd, supper plus some exploration of roads. heh. and i would have to say that the tau huey at balestia(i think its the 3rd bro one) has a better ambience for talking because its not so crowded and more peaceful ar. but the you tiao is not as hot... =( but the tauhuey is still good!
and i hope it didnt waste too much fuel and yep, its a great time catching up! =D
"sa po fan" next!

and finally i have prepared what i need to...

2009-12-20T23:36:00.002+08:00

long time since i last blog.. so many changes, so many things happened.

the ooc thing is now a thing of the past, cant wait for 2009 to be over. its a year of ups and ups and down down down down down which brings me to today. everything will have a limit, i hope that 2010 will be much better and things will pick up!

the start of 2009 started off so beautifully, so happily and i got everything i wanted, but yet, i lost everything by the end of 2009.

is it really not meant to be and im better off somewhere else with some other people.. or isit a punishment?

2009-10-04T12:08:00.002+08:00

met up with like moreee ppl! heh. its like most of the ppl are those who were with me for past few yrs?
saw secondary sch friends on friday, like the cang ying,chia and jo! its quite nice to hear all the funny story that they have and listening is indeed very much nicer! =DD and after that saw t14 ppl and they stayedover! hope they had funn=) and ytd went to dan's house for stayover with the odacers till this morning.. and..today is the day to return already.. =( i dont wanna go back.. but still.. a new beginning once again. sigh.

and it was really happy and sad that day... that night. i never felt that type of happiness that comes from inside for a long time already.. but yet, there were sad news too.. will there be a future to it?

2009-09-30T17:23:00.000+08:00

beautiful..

When deep injure is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

2009-09-30T15:30:00.002+08:00

today has been a week of block leave already! its really great so far.. few more days left, before the new chapter begins...

lets see, last wed(1st day), booked out, went to eat.. use comp.. slept at like 1am..
thu- 2nd day: woke up late in the afternoon..
fri- 3rd day: gone to cj for frisbee! den went for f1 rocks concert at nite!
sat- 4th day: went out with some of my BMT section mates for dinner!
sun- 5th day: Spent time typing things and.. tts itt! ah D=
mon- 6th day: went for a movie- the ugly truth, a really funny movie! heh. and visited ntu too! quite
tues- 7th day: went back to cj for a run and talk talk with mr lim! nice talk and i realise im getting unfit. oh no!!! uhh.
today: went to learn how to roller blade at ecp! hehe. quite happy becus at least i can blade a little now. but still super lousy. haha.

a little story...
In the world of plantae, it's a kingdom of plants. There was one called sansevieria. He went to the park one day with the most precious thing of his life, and left...
around 3 weeks later, he realised that he had lost that item, but all that time, he thought that he had it with him all the time...
today, he went back to the place, thought of those times he had.. but it was never the same. As he was returning to the place where he hides himself, he realise that there are so many other things that could take over that one he lost. He was happy, for that moment.
But then he thought, it's just never the same again..

A little song..
我是真的为你哭了
你是真的随她走了
就在这一刻
全世界伤心角色
又多了我一个
我是真的为你爱了
你是真的随她走了
能给的我全都给了
我都舍得
除了让你知道
我心如刀割

And end of with A little phrase..
人的心是个神奇的东西. 他能带来无限的伤痛和无限的喜悦.

2009-09-06T11:08:00.002+08:00

today is my shortest bookout ever man.. had cdo duty.. and basically just sit there and do nothing! omg. wasted like 24hrs on my life. uhh. only did reading, listening to music, talk cock.. well, tts about it.

and there is another 5km comp coming up! kinda excited but afraid too... can i have tt type of speed for 5km? >.<

2009-08-16T16:03:00.002+08:00

woohoo. dis morning was AHM!. my first half marathon race in my life.. tt i tink the preperation could have done better, but no choice. not up to my control, have other committment! woke up at 2+ in the morning, fortunately my mum called to wake me up, if not, i will not wake up man! woot. then, headed off to the venue, flagging off was near esplanade.

my plan was to start slower, 4.45 perkm initially and later slowly pick up. i think i started picking up at 3.5km, and later maintained all the way till 12-13km. that was when i felt my left calf having this tinging feeling and was hurting a little. endured through all the way till 16-17km, both of my calves were dying and it was as tight as if some super glue were there! or more specifically, its seems like its cramping but i couldnt afford to stop, so i slowed down and eventually, i reached the finish line at 1hour 37min. though i wanted to do 1hr 35.. and really hope tt i could do it.. but well. the last 5km was just screwed up. if only i can have proper rest and training for 1.5wks, im sure 1h35min wun b a problem..
but we still got 1st in our catagory! my first gold medal.. hehe=DD

well, i got this last night too. privilege, pride,persevere,preparation, plan,pace. all of it was in my head throughout the run and that sustained me for the 21km. of course, all the positive memories came in to make this run a more enjoyable one. did i say that i ran most of the race alone? (as in, no one tt i know was running with me). i was basically just finding some random ppl to run with and then overtake them. hehe. =DD.

and congrats to ms lim for getting first too! heh. 1hr 32min... omg. i wonder if i can ever reach that. =// and mr lim too! for doing a 45min29sec for 10km tt got him 12th position in veteran catagory! lastly, the teacher's race as well! congrats for winning! heh

2009-07-18T13:46:00.002+08:00

2nd book out! last week past quite fast.. with the loads of activities. woot.

and booked out at ard 3pm ytd, went back to cj. the ever so familiar place.. where there will be a flashback of memories at every corner of the school. i really love that place, its just like a home. met prashan and mrlim and had some chats, quite glad to talk to both of them again and mr lim is finally joining a race! haha. i wish the teachers all the best on aug 15 and hes going for 10km run at ahm too! heex. so happy. and today, odac is joining some smaller scale njc odac race thing, i hope they did train hard for it and not for play play only though. next yr will be the time where they must perform.

and so, i manage to sort of do the best run on this old friend, the bread shaped track where it given me what i have today. though its difficult to run on it, but tts what makes it even tougher. wanted to fulfil my promise of lvl0 30rnds i made last year, and i did made it, even much faster than that. after the first 10 rnds, i thought that why not try for lvl 1 instead, until the 18-20 rnds where i cant sustain that pace anymore... i wont be too sad for why lvl 1 not happened, but i had achieved what i wanted!
thanks prashan and mr lim for running wif me the last few rounds, it really pushed me on as my back was giving me abit of problems since round 24 onwards. im glad i finished it and the feeling at the end is really shiok! woohoo. 43.01, i will nvr forget this number, and aug 10 is where it will b gone, hopefully i can still have a last chance to run on it.. =D hehe.

the reasons that i ran for, the people whom i run for, the odac that i ran for..

2009-07-11T16:06:00.002+08:00

its finally bookout and hello again after 3 weeks! it is indeed a big leap from the previous chapter as everything is going so much faster. fortunately, i can still keep up with everything and this break is really very much needed...

went to watch transformer dis morning too. i feel that its quite nice and i kinda liked it! some people said that there is no story but apparantly, there is. maybe these people didnt get the story line or.. oh well. everyone has their own preference!! =)

many people are leaving this little island, well, everyone has their own path to tread! i wish all of those leaving or have left all the best yea! do take care... uhh.

oh well, more to come next week in the packed week again and im happy to run for AHM! woot. =DD jiayou!

2009-06-22T00:28:00.002+08:00

few more hours to my next chapter...
at least, all my questions are now answered and can move on with a piece of mind..

its just 9 months! all the way!

and the song goes... h e r e w e g o a g a i n , s a m e o l d s h i t a g a i n..

2009-06-21T19:00:00.002+08:00

last night had a great dinner with some odacers + mr lim! it was great seeing that man again. It has long since we saw him. Though it has been just a short 2-3months, i feel that he has aged and it suddenly feels different. maybe hes tired from xp or smth? i certainly hope that it is just tired.. and not anything else. I hope he had enjoyed that dinner and im quite sure all of us are happy to see that man again!

today went to meet MORE odacers at fns, our tradition.. and coincidentally, we met that man again with angel and nigel! both of them have grown up even more! i am quite excited to see them again few months later and see how they have become! hehe. the day at fns was really nice, just chilling and chatting with this bunch of old great friends. I hope we can keep this bond with us even though we are moving on to different directions!

Amazing friends from an Amazing journey by an Amazing teacher..

2009-06-19T15:41:00.002+08:00

another stayover! this time round with the odacers, it was very much different this time round.
As each of us meet with our respective endeavours, the topic changes. last time was mostly about our odac things, xp, but now, it is mostly about army, for the guys.

even though we dont talk that much about our odac times, but im sure we all remember it in our hearts, the wonderful journey that all of us been through together. Things that we learn and we will never ever forget..

its now another new beginning! to the place where im posted to and i am happy with this posting! hehe. =DD. Oh Cee airS!

and as a new beginning starts, it will mean some will have to close(temporarily!). like few of our friends like dorv, kannan and sam will be leaving soon. do take care and all the best overseas! =)

and there was a question posted to me today, "did you spend you spend your blockleave well?"
and my reply was, it was very well spent, but there are still some answers that i have yet to get...

i doubt you will be reading, but please, i want to have a closing... and only you can write this closing.

2009-06-18T14:18:00.002+08:00

went to visit mrs lb last night! saw the super cute baby and ultra energetic emman!! and seriously, he should be a fighter in future or smth. haha. and it was awesome seeing all the familiar faces again before we head off to our own respective places.. guys will be army while girls their tertiary education. it is indeed a case a parting and meeting once again.. i don't like this.
Why must we have full of partings in our life??

and it is only till today that i realise i can't let you go at all...

2009-06-15T01:54:00.001+08:00

read this from somewhere last time..

My old Hum II professor used to tell us that wallets are a lot like girls, You really have to take good care of, because if you won't, something might happen...

I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing.

One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it.

You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization it's really gone.

Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed) people who get it back.

Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.

The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences.

They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.

You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost.

No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.

You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in.

You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there.

Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet.

And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it.

That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet.

And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.

i travel with coins in my pocket!

2009-06-14T23:50:00.001+08:00

read this on jerome's post, and i liked it alot..

I love her so; To forget would seem cold.
I love her so; To remember would bring woe.
Oh pitable slave, Doth thou knowest the meaning of love?
The meaning of the greatest gift from above?

She cannot see me.

2009-06-13T12:45:00.000+08:00

beautiful smile to hide the pain

2009-06-13T00:55:00.002+08:00

chatting with m just now, and realised i got so many things that i wanna do. guess i should jot it down..

to do list: learn driving, piano, wakeboarding, diving, swiss alps, mount kinabalu, rafflesia arnoldii, bungee jumping, skiing(prolly in swiss too?), skating...

wooo! anyone interested? hehee

2009-06-12T20:33:00.002+08:00

went back to cj today to meet the odacers for frisbee and later we had lunch! it was really great to catch up with few of these guys and girls and that many things had happened and i don't know. partially was due to NS, but mostly it lies with me. even before NS, i did neglect you guys, i'm sorry people. real sorry. realised that i was really wrong... i know my mistake.

even though the feeling of back in school was really nice, the beautiful odac and t14 memories... there were painful ones as well, especially after seeing..
i dont like that feeling. seriously, i need to get it out of my head, my heart. and that i felt i was really old after that, it seemed that the period got me tired, very tired.
indeed, everything in this world has a price to pay, and now, i feel that it is a price to large to be paid.

it is just like playing in the mud where there is alot of fun, until u realised that it suddenly became quiksand and suks you into it. you can't do anything but prepare for your death... fortunately, he isn't alone and there are friends by his side trying to pull him out..

i dont blame anyone, but myself.

2009-06-12T01:26:00.002+08:00

the heart is still dead..
the laughter is still temporary..
the happiness is still out-of-grasp..
the grief is still there...

will he be able to walk out of this?
will hatred make him feel better?

but he knows he can't hate... even if he wants to.

2009-06-10T19:17:00.001+08:00

空荡的房间
留著你的照片...

我陷在爱里面
渐渐疲惫的脸
彷佛是退不出
又走不进你的世界...

彷佛是退不出
又走不进你的世界...

2009-06-10T11:43:00.002+08:00

the first day after pop.

after waking up, i feel lost this morning. during the times where everything is planned for us and all we have to do is just to take orders. execute it well and you will be fine. now the we are free from that place, my life doesnt seem to have a direction. i do not have an aim, a direction for me to head towards to. it just feels like you have just been washed ashore on a deserted island, not knowing where to go. can someone help this guy?

2009-06-09T21:59:00.002+08:00

today is our POP DAY!

the 24 wasnt easy nearing the end and we were all pushing. it was no easy feat that we manage to complete it! was really happy to see everyone giving their all and motivating. nice scene to see...
the parade was quite a success and quite happy for getting pb=).furthermore, i was the platoon ic again for the last few days and its like i started it and now, i end it as well. i could see the difference in both marches as i was the ic for the first march, and now the last march. many wanted to die after 2km last time but now, we manage to do 24km! its just like seeing your own kids grow up sort of feeling.

I will miss that place, the commanders, the things we do, and of course, the people there. I will never forget this beautiful journey that we go through together, I LOVE WHISKEY PLATOON 3 FOREVER!!!

2009-06-07T14:25:00.003+08:00

after waking up today, i realised that im losing something. something very important to me since the last 2 years. i need to get them all back before i really lose them..

do something in the next 2wks to salvage the past 2 years jethro.

2009-06-07T01:51:00.001+08:00

it is all coming to an end soon! this journey is indeed bittersweet. bitter not because of the toughness but because of that..

and had a night of fun that day!

this video will speak for itself!

2009-05-29T19:40:00.004+08:00

the days are coming to an end real soon, the place where one dreaded most may be the place that i will miss soon. this is weird but true. just like schooling i guess.
and one happy thng today is tt i got full 25pts for ippt td! heh. broke my pull up pb, 15 now=D. took quite a long time to reach there though-.-" and as for running.. the knee hasnt recovered and still 8.45. though not happy but still satisfied. considering the lack of rest and the trng the night b4. im sure if u give me 2 day of rest, i will do a better run! haha.

the heart is still not beating and something interesting here..

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. ~ Woody Allen~

It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all

2009-05-17T11:00:00.002+08:00

just came back from field.. its quite ok! enjoyed going through all the shit together.. though tough at times but nonetheless, we made it! soon.. it will be over! i guess i will miss it..

___________________________________________________________________

tak is still feeling that he is missing something and.. and.. he is at a lost for not knowing what to do now. sigh.
but there were no regrets for taking that path last time because of all the sweet memories. you have to pay a price for everything i guess.. and this price is increasing day by day. just like credit card debts, it just keeps snowballing. it has to stop!

thank you all my friends for trying to revive the dead heart, it needs time before it can beat again. thank you thank you thank you.

2009-05-10T02:04:00.002+08:00

a day of old memories... happy and heartaching ones.

went for a little pool game with david and jiayi, den went to sculpture square and see how the flea market was going on! a shop opened by clar,man,marie and penelope(guess this is the right way to spell it?). saw some other guys as well and as army guys come together.. its just all about NS things. wonder why. later, went on to city hall and met up with the odacers, had dinner and a little chilling out at esplanade.. esplanade..

so many things today reminded tak of his past...
lying on a grasspatch along the horizon, all by himself. everything seem to be haunting him again as he passes by the familiar names... crabtree and evelyn, the soup spoon, esplanade...
the heart feels as though it is being squeezed by someone's hand mercilessly and all tak can do is to endure through the pain until the executer lets go of it..
but..
who exactly is the executer? he himself?
and does she feel this way? probably not and living much better than before..

2009-05-03T16:05:00.002+08:00

sitting underneath the pale blue sky, with nothing but nothingness keeping takizawa company, devoid from all distractions.. he wondered.

the 56days was indeed short, but bittersweet. so many beautiful memories that became doubts, was he indeed just like a tourist destination where after all the fun, you just return to your home country, even without battling an eyelid and looking back as you board the plane.

tak have firmly believed in always giving the best for the other one but everything still toppled. is this the wrong way? that humans will only like something that they cant seem to get?

must this world turn out like that, playing mind games with each other all the time..

can all of us just be truthful and make this world a much better place...

still, sitting beneath the pale blue sky with nothing to reach for.. powerless, helpless, useless..

tak needs to ignite that fire again..

2009-05-03T11:42:00.002+08:00

still feeling the emptiness wen i woke up this morning, the empty house with an empty heart.
guess more time is needed to overcome this...

and a few questions still bother me.. but i do not want to even pursue the answer anymore.. it has been too tiring already because everything just keeps changing.

why will things turn out like that?
what did takizawa actually do wrong?

takizawa is now all alone in the desert, left alone in the cold with nerve biting frost bites as the cold wind blows. the amount of ache and suffering could never be understood unless you go through it yourself. even when the sun comes, all he gets will be immense heat and you cant distinguish between tears and perspiration anymore.. whichever part of the day it is, there will only be pain and suffering..
but in all, physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional ones..

a song to describe what i feel: 断点 - 张敬轩 listen here

静静的陪你走了好远好远
连眼睛红了都没有发现
听着你说你现在的改变
看着我依然最爱你的笑脸
这条旧路依然没有改变
以往的每次路过都是晴天
想起我们有过的从前
泪水就一点一点开始蔓延
我转过我的脸不让你看见
深藏的暗涌已经越来越明显
过完了今天就不要再见面
我害怕每天醒来想你好几遍
我吻过你的脸
你双手曾在我的双肩
感觉有那么甜我那么依恋
每当我闭上眼
我总是可以看见失信的诺言全部都会实现
我吻过你的脸
虽然你不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过的好一点
断开的感情线
我不要做断点
只想在睡前在听见你的蜜语甜言

2009-05-02T23:13:00.002+08:00

met up with a couple of old friends today! and as usual.. many, and i mean lik almost all were late?! haha. well, martin,mandy,marie,michelle,jiayi,clarisse and david was there! it was a good time catching up and how guys will always talk about their army stories.

went to iluma.. ate lunch.. and arcade time! hoho. after that, back to bugis junction and more arcade! heh. v.fun ar XD.

and that in later afternn had some changes in plans, but well, not having that initial plan may be a good thing after all. its time to put a fullstop.

got an mp3 td from simlim too! samsung P3. made mandy and jiayi walked with me quite abit though.. haha. thanks alot for ur time! i really appreciate it! hoho.

booking in tml 1900.. goodbye!

2009-05-02T09:39:00.002+08:00

much as takizawa want to let go and forget.. whenever he think of the few things, his heart uncontrollably aches. just like when he takes lrt and passes by bukit panjang lrt, red hill mrt, or walking down far east all brings backs sweet but painful memories.. when can he ever get through this stage..

2009-05-02T00:09:00.002+08:00

this couple of days seem to be the lowest in my entire 18+ yrs, finally, im getting back onto my feet but the wound does still hurt at times... and time will heal all wounds, but scars will always be there.

it seems like i will still take quite some before a new takizawa can be born and now all focus is on his NS chapter. The other special chapter has come to an end and I believe a new special chapter will not be here so easily again..

because because because... trusting is so difficult once again..

2009-04-28T15:02:00.002+08:00

let me rest in peace.. and try not to continue stabbing the emptiness body of mine. it has been torn and battered enough already...

giv me time to bury myself. where i will not see you, and you will not see me again too.

2009-04-28T14:36:00.003+08:00

today is the darkest period of my entire life..
experienced the feeling of being alone in this world, walking along the streets just lik a mindless soul. basically, walking zombie. the feeling was scary and i felt tt there isn't really much to hold on to this world..

the world felt cold and horrid, leaving a blankless soul to die on the streets... how i wish tt lightning would just strike me or some accident would just happen and end all the misery. the flame is extinguish, the soul is gone, the heart has stopped. i need to find them back, and i noe it will always be with you..

and today is a rainy day, even the skies are crying for me? or pitying me? or adding salt to the wound?

please, just end this. end everything..

or maybe.. all of us in future should be selfish and not give all out...
the more you give, the deeper shit you are in.
i guess, sealing the heart into the darkest part of you is the best way not to get hurt anymore..

I wish you all the best, sincerely and that you have another person there waiting for you..

good bye.

2009-04-28T00:06:00.002+08:00

im really feeling screwed up now, why must my first bookout turn out this way.
it really sux.. much as i want to know the truth, the truth does hurts alot, alot.

are all the promises all lies....
are they all patronizing words...
are they true...

i need an answer.. even though there is a digital message.. im not convinced and need to hear it instead of reading it...

things that happen once can happen again..

trust- the easiest to break, hardest to build...

2009-04-27T12:25:00.002+08:00

TODAY IS OUR BOOK OUT DAY, BOOK OUT! BOOK OUT!
TODAY IS OUR BOOK OUT DAY, O BOOK OUT DAY!

2 weeks in tekong has passed and it do seem quite fast when i think about it. army life is actl quite fun.. just that you are totally off from the civilisation.
another thing is that you realise your vocabulary tend to change alot and limited now as well. =x.
there will b too many things to blog about army if i go into every details but yea, it is a different experience and you will then treasure what you have.

2009-04-12T22:30:00.002+08:00

i will say just one word... goodbye.

and.. i officially declare this blog dead...

it will take quite sometime before new puddles are formed.

2009-04-12T15:30:00.001+08:00

tomorrow is da day! in less than 24hours, there will be a new environment, new friends, new beginning. but there will still be some things that never change.

good luck to me!

2009-04-12T00:43:00.003+08:00

went out with family for dinner today on the zheng he cruise restaurant! its a good place to spend your time because the view is quite nice as you walk around the ship. BUT, please eat before going there because the food sucks totally. its most probably catered and like to cheat tourists money.. so yep, if you want a good time or good experience, can go ahead. just eat something first... because, its the lousiest food you can find... -.-.

soon.. in less than 48hours, the new chapter begins..

2009-04-10T17:57:00.002+08:00

sometimes, we need to let go even though letting go isn't easy.
i have less than 3 days left before a new beginning and i do not like the closure of a chapter. especially a special one. there will be new challenges, new friends and new experiences.

do enjoy and remember family, friends and school. take care!

手放開

我把自己關起來　只留下一個陽台
每當天黑推開城門　對著夜幕發呆
看著往事　一幕一幕　再次演出你我的愛

我把電視機打開　聽著別人的對白
也許那些故事可以給我一個交代
你要的愛　我學不來　眼睜睜看情變壞　眼睜睜看情感慨

**********************************
chorus

不能給你未來　我還你現在
安靜結束也是另一種對待　當眼淚流下來
傷已超載　分開也是另一種明白

我給你　最後的疼愛是手放開

不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海
感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白
把愛收進胸前左邊口袋

最後的疼愛是手放開

不想用言語拉扯　所以選擇不責怪
感情就像候車月台　有人走有人來　我的心是一個車牌　寫著等待

chorus x 2
*********************************

最後的疼愛是手放開
不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海
感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白
把愛收進胸前左邊口袋

最後的疼愛是手放開
不想用言語拉扯　所以選擇不責怪
感情就像候車月台　有人走有人來　我的心是一個車牌寫著等待

**********************************

我把收音機打開聽著別人的失敗
哽咽的聲音彷彿訴說著相同悲哀
你的依賴　還在胸懷　我無法輕易推開　我無法隨便走開

感情中專心的人容易... 被... 傷... 害...

will be back out on april 30th??

2009-04-09T00:34:00.002+08:00

went for smu interview this morning. i would say it went quite ok.. considering the fact that it lasted like half an hour?? so sorry to those behind who have to wait so long. (BUT! people ahead of me had taken up extra 30min as well. so.. i just added it to 45 only! heehee. after that, went to meet granma and aunt for lunch, super full! omg. its like i ate everything la. haha. xD

and also the last odac training after that, i will seriously miss it and the chapter after A levels is coming to an end... its quite a fruitful journey as i learnt many things(from work), had the march XP, had lots of fun and laughter.. and.. this is a special chapter because of special appearances.

A new chapter is to begin soon.. im neither apprehensive nor excited for it..
let it go!

2009-04-07T00:36:00.003+08:00

Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you..

And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right

Oh yeah sorry!

extracted from buckcherry-sorry.

2009-03-29T13:32:00.002+08:00

stopped work totally already and now, I'm slowing down my footsteps alot and to really enjoy my time because the clock is ticking...

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

alright. its damn damn true. though education and right job contradicts, it totally fits what i think. i rate this quiz 95% true. go try it!! CLICK ME

2009-03-22T02:56:00.002+08:00

it all seems so fake, but yet they are all real.
it all seems too good to be true, but yet they are all true.
it all seems.. it all seems.. it all seems..

that i can only treasure what is there now.

it is all about having each other..

2009-03-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

gonna leave in less than 24hours. i hope this xp will go well and be as smooth as possible!
thanks for trusting me and letting me go...

and im still being dangled there by the hook.. dont really like this feeling but but but..

waiting always..

2009-03-11T00:57:00.002+08:00

everyday is now a happy day for jatropha, no matter how bad something gets, the plant has something to rely on. thank you. nothing will be too tough from now on!=)

tomorrow a little backpack trng at macritchie, gonna have some fun there! hehe=D think i shld be fine with the little training bah. hopefully. >.<.

XP is coming this friday, i do feel excited for it, but.. worried and unsecured as well.
uh! and.. and.. and...

2009-03-08T23:44:00.002+08:00

today is most prolly the last day of work.. after so long!! gonna take a breather and have some social life.

XP is on 13th-19th as well! looking forward to it and at the same time, im worried for it! i feel that we are too complacent and that isnt a good thing! esp in terms of physical!!! uhh.

and yep, filoss porter is a happy person!! =)

2009-03-02T23:41:00.002+08:00

today was a bad day to start with, was sick and overslept...
set meal A came, fever,sorethroat,cough,headache. felt terrible for the first half of the day and thankfully took a nap which made me feel better..

but what made me feel better is when i was going to dinner. thankyou=))

and what made me think today is a great day(though sales sux and health jialat) is that wish granted. heex.

btw, FRIDAY IS DA DAY! n b4 tt,someone even told me its tues. -.-""

2009-02-26T23:33:00.002+08:00

filoss porter is angry,frustrated and unhappy because he just got a "no" to something he really wants, esp without knowing why. tomorrow he will go ahead and finish his lvl0 and get his questions answered... will not let this go easily.

n pls do take care of yourself..

2009-02-25T00:10:00.001+08:00

congrats! to ur vasttt improvement and td did 13rnds lvl0 on time! friday i shall clear it.. and start on lvl 1 soon. hopefull by 1st wk of march can clear lvl1 alr. hehe.

JIAYOU!

run hard, run smart. =D

2009-02-23T23:47:00.002+08:00

really looking forward to xp that's coming soon and in a way, abit scared because are we a little bit complacent? hmm..

_______________________________________________________________
im really very happy and touched for everything u done.. thankyou!!!! =D.

a lvls releasing this friday? hmm...

2009-02-18T21:37:00.001+08:00

the j2s are not bad now, quite good seniors but maybe few more trainings they will get even better. all the way j2s! very happy for your..

and as for j1s... some are not bad but still unsure yet. cant tell so fast. =)

2009-02-17T17:07:00.002+08:00

today did some runs and met up wif old friend! heh. enjoyed the time alot!! weeeeee.

tomorrow is the 2nd training since the last one! looking forward to it and all the new memories with batch XII! hohoho.

and feeling vry unfit now, still cant even clear lvl 0... sigh.

2009-02-09T22:46:00.001+08:00

gonna start running tml again and train hard.

is level one still in reach...?

2009-02-08T23:22:00.003+08:00

vry happy for the jones that they swept the top 4 positions, well done...

didnt go down today becus of work and i felt presence wasnt necessary bah. anyways, proud of them, good job.

n anyone wanna come for dis coming sat cj odac orientation in the morning to get dirty and have fun?? hahaha=))
____________________________________________________________________

im waiting.. waiting...

2009-02-05T22:59:00.002+08:00

i think im out of mind recently.. have been working and working. especially the last 2day where i worked from 10am-10pm, den 10.30pm-5.30am (but we finished early and ended at 3+am) den i continued selling chocs from 10amto10pm today. woo. rlly drained out... and the day b4 had a nice day out meeting up wif old frenx and had a nice dinner=).

endure and enjoy...

not looking forward to this sunday at all and will not be going down.
not becus scared but i feel there isnt a need as a number thinks they are good enough to stand on their own.
what has been said has been said, nothing more is needed. now we shall all await to see the final result. will it end in tears of happiness or sorrow or...

2009-01-29T00:57:00.002+08:00

it is time for new beginnings.
new year means the start of new things.

in the process of job hunting now and leaving this job soon.
time to let it go.. let them go.

was watching the j1s performence on youtube, they did put in alot of effort in preparing it and fo course, the man was there with his songs.
over the rainbow was one of it and it seemed like a montage... for all odacers watching it.

_________________________________________________________________
relishing every single xp i went to since j1...

june2007 was totally chamah and what i can say is, "endure and enjoy."
nov2007 was leadership xp... "An expedition is a tough and challeging journey with clear objectives that are difficult to achieve, adventurous in nature and rich in learning."
march2008 was teaching the juniors.. "connect and transfer"
june2008 was not easy to come by.. all the begging and pleading. 3Ps "patience,persistance,perseverance"
dec2008 taiwan xp was the fruit of everything above that gave my parents to trust to let me go.
"odac is like a bed of roses where u need to get past the thorns to get to the top."
and i just cant help to think of this, "walk slowly, breath deeply, drink lots of water"

but for everyone who reads this...

Walk slowly , Breath deeply , Admire and treasure marvels of life.
to see, to smell, so as to treasure.

2009-01-27T02:43:00.002+08:00

first day of cny means visit, eat, angpao, gamble. hehe.
this will go on for tml as well! hehehe. =DD

everyone enjoy ur CNY!! =)

2009-01-25T22:19:00.002+08:00

reunionS!

had a odac reunion and was quite nice to see those army guys and hearing its quite easy. hehehe. =DD. gotta go train upper body to get more prepared. and had a reunion dinner with my dad's side.. the food werent very good but the bbq pork n chicken was damn nice. hohoho=D.

tomorrow will be start of CNY! mahjong mahjong mahjong. ang pao ang pao ang pao. eat eat eat. basically, INDULGE! xD

happy NIU year all!! =)

2009-01-21T01:10:00.001+08:00

yesterday was a day of downs followed by ups and downs and.. a time of facing it.

what an eventful day..

2009-01-20T00:14:00.002+08:00

tml is finally my day off! woohoo. gonna do everything that i wanna do.. just that mayb still not enuff time to do so. CNY is coming soon too, ang paos n mahjong and.. weee! =D

ok. kana tagged by jerome.. sianz
A.Each tagged person must write 8 things about themselves on their blogs.
B.At the end, choose and tag 8 people. -.-

1) i like nature, eg plants,mountains etc. many may say boring and stuff but till u discover the beauty of it.. and u will understand

2) i dont eat beef=)

3) running is fun but dont have much time to do much training because of work. zzz..

4) i can't seem to gain weight. argh.

5) waiting is indeed my forte. wait wait wait. till now still waiting.

6) i dont want to leave cj odac.. can i forever be in it?? sigh.

7) CJ is really great place and there is no regrets to be in it.. or maybe.. at most one only. CJ ROCKS.

8) thank you cj, odac and t14, batch x, mr lim and all other teachers..

who i wanna tag: whoever that read this!!=)

2009-01-14T01:06:00.003+08:00

CNY coming soon, looking forward to it. paycheck coming too! wee. $$$$.
but, i want something else..
congrats to all those who got back your O lvl results! a lvls coming soon too.. and NS.
life is so unpredicatable yet destined.

in a darkened room, all alone.
your heart is cold and lost the will to love, like a broken arrow.

nobody wants to be lonely
nobody wants to cry

true?

2009-01-11T23:51:00.000+08:00

saw this on nd blog.. really like it.

one day, all of us will die. But let's concentrate on living with a passion for life, so that before we die, we will not regret that we had not lived...and so that our lives will be a powerful inspiration for others to live with passion."

2009-01-09T21:52:00.002+08:00

it has been work work and work for the past many days till today i took off! went to cj open house.. and being treated by jones by some. heh=D quite funny. went to run ytd too, think it was ard 10km lvl-2=) quite a good run becus i dont feel very tired at the end and saw man at bpp too. buying smth without $ =p

had a nostalgic feeling when i got back.. its like though u feel for something, but yet its not urs anymore. cj.. odac.. and.. many more.

i guess we all need to accept loses which suks becus we all dont like to lose but yet almost all the time, we are losing. ironic?

o lvl coming out soon, enjoy it kids! and if its like the past.. As will b out end of this month too..
i wonder, i wonder, i wonder.

2009-01-03T00:16:00.002+08:00

today is 3rd day of work and 1st day at bukit panjang plaza! =)
sales was jialat sia.. hahahha. =X

and catch up with some guys(westsiders) from t14 and chit chat, play pool b4 going to work. its really a nice feeling as we all know that dey are entering tekong soon, real soon. do take care guys!!

when tak sees some people in uniform today, he thinks that he will never ever wear them again.. not in this life anymore...

2009-01-02T00:48:00.002+08:00

now is the 2nd day of 2009. slept from 9am-5pm on 1st day of 2009. what a day to start with.
BUT, 2008 was ended with a group of great people and i will never forget you t14!

thank you marcus,marie,michelle,jiayi,christopher,johan,clarisse,james,mandy and david for coming! the rest, i will not forget u either because we are forever 2007/2008 cjc t14. the 2 years had flew past, really fast.

this is the first time i had invited people to my house and i hope everybody had enjoyed!
the first group got my directions real well.. (mich,jiayi,marie), 2nd- chris walk halfway the correct way and turned back.. lucky i saw him b4 he went too far. 3rd(the worst) johan,clarisse,james took a totally different direction.. hahaha. xD. mandy took the correct way as well, luckily.. while david had his driver! lols.

the dinner.. hope everybody had enough and the "mess" we made at the first day of 2009. >.<. think michelle and mandy was damn high becus of the vodka and they started coming out weird ideas for the "Dares". =/ eg, tongue to tongue.. lying on another person.. licking ear.. u name it, u have it.

later we tried to watch the sunrise at the open roof multi storey carpark but well.. it was blocked and after returning.. all of them KOed. lols. n think dey needed sleep so nvr had breakfast in the end. well.. hope u had a great night and thanks for coming!

it started great at 2007, and ended well at 2008.. but, this is still not the end...

2008-12-28T02:03:00.002+08:00

hoho. today went to boey house for mahjong and it was quite funny playing with them n made a new friend as well!=))
thanks for sending me home too! heh.
though nv even finish 1 "dong".. -.-". but kinda enjoy it with all the laughter n thanks for the dinner too!

woot. 2008 is coming to an end already too..

2008-12-25T18:47:00.002+08:00

merry xmas kids!

yesterday was a special xmas eve with che,danyee,yang and hz. erm, stepped into church for the first time and understood a lil bit more! interesting but shant comment too much here. later kana caught>"<.

after that went down clark quey and went there look look see see. first time there at night and quite a new and fresh experience! dont think i will like to go there occasionally but i think its fine to maybe go to such places once in a while. and later did some crazy things and slept at ps.. hehe. xD. in all, it was an awesome night with awesome people!=D

went to shoes blog and just took this for fun..

Analytical Thinkers are reserved, quiet persons. They like to get to the bottom of things - curiosity is one of their strongest motives. They want to know what holds the world together deep down inside. They do not really need much more to be happy because they are modest persons. Many mathematicians, philosophers and scientists belong to this type. Analytical Thinkers loathe contradictions and illogicalness; with their sharp intellect, they quickly and comprehensively grasp patterns, principles and structures. They are particularly interested in the fundamental nature of things and theoretical findings; for them, it is not necessarily a question of translating these into practical acts or in sharing their considerations with others. Analytical Thinkers like to work alone; their ability to concentrate is more marked than that of all other personality types. They are open for and interested in new information.

As an Analytical Thinker you are one of the introverted personality types. You are not particularly suited for dealing with others, working as a part of a team and be in the position of “continuous exchange“, you would much rather work alone, and dwell on your thoughts undisturbed. You usually put a critical distance between yourself and others that enables you to be the keen and incorrupt observer of life.
This distance can be truly bridged by only very few other people. That is probably caused by the fact that you are not all that interested to share your thoughts with others. Generally it is sufficient for you to have clarified a matter for yourself or that you have understood something; the continuous in your eyes mostly superficial chatter of the people around you becomes rather annoying.
You prefer to work independently and appreciate having a lot of time and quiet in order to concentrate on the really important things: Structuring ideas, comprehending complex causalities, understanding of the universe, its rules and the logical analysis of systems. You absorb new information like a sponge and your memory is legendary. Once you have learned something, you’ll never forget it - unless you consider it to be irrelevant for some reason and decide that it seems to be better purging it from your data storage.

When falling in love, you can turn into a real surprise package! Normally those around you probably see you like most Thinkers as slightly preoccupied, a little absentminded, maybe even a little arrogant. You also give the impression of being quiet, cool, distanced and deliberate - everything is true. It is also true that you rarely fall in love because your expectations of your partner are very high and only very few will meet them.
However, when it happens to you, things - especially for an introverted Thinker - can get pretty intense. Then you even throw your previous taciturnity overboard, and compared to your normal behavior, you get loquacious and drippy. But that usually doesn’t last long, as soon your analytical and rational part returns from its vacation, puts the entire matter under a microscope without mercy, and woe to your partner if he/she did not reach the required standards in some respect! You have a very clear mental picture of your expectations and in this respect you are much too hardheaded and stubborn to be ready for any compromises. You would rather be alone than to put up with the second best, thank you very much.
For your partner, the change from the love poem writing, romantic Romeo, to the cool strategist, is sometimes rather bewildering and not easy to deal with. Here, they think they have hooked the great romantic, and in reality you belong to the most unemotional and logical types around. If your counterpart is a very emotional type, this cold shower can lead to a few problems between you because, after the initial effusiveness is gone, he/she won’t be able to squeeze all that many declarations of feelings and vows of love out of you. Once the courtship period is over, you simply don’t see the necessity any longer. Emotions are suspect to you anyway, because they are capricious and you give your partner only occasionally a glimpse into your innermost feelings. That hurts many types very much and makes them feel rejected and taken for granted. You, on the other hand, are uncomfortable if you feel pushed into an intimacy you don’t like, and frequently you don’t understand what your partner expects of you.

can try it at http://www.ipersonic.com/ true or not, its subjective.

2008-12-23T17:49:00.002+08:00

yesterday was xmas party at james house. decided to go there instead of other party wif the 05 people because because because.

the party was great and nice to see back all the faces again. sorry for missing prom! the laughter, the chattings, how i hoped last night would never end and everyone wouldnt need to part.
parting is a sad fact of life that just keeps repeating itself. since we were born, we are parting. primary school, secondary school, and not even forgetting everyday life. when you are on a bus, you part with people that you dont know. just that we dont take notice of it. and i watch twilight today with che,nd and marcus. it was quite nice just tt i felt some parts were a little draggy. it talks a little about parting at some parts too..

can we never ever part? (by becoming vampires?)

Jepsovania Journey

DESIRE: If you really want something, you have to work hard for it, have the courage to fight for it, and be prepared to sacrifice for it.R/S: Be strong and be patient. - IZ Lim

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover. I love you forever, forever is over. We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight. So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye.

When deep injure is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

DESIRE: If you really want something, you have to work hard for it, have the courage to fight for it, and be prepared to sacrifice for it.
R/S: Be strong and be patient. - IZ Lim