Journal
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 >let me rest in peace.. and try not to continue stabbing the emptiness body of mine. it has been torn and battered enough already...
giv me time to bury myself. where i will not see you, and you will not see me again too.
>today is the darkest period of my entire life.. experienced the feeling of being alone in this world, walking along the streets just lik a mindless soul. basically, walking zombie. the feeling was scary and i felt tt there isn't really much to hold on to this world..
the world felt cold and horrid, leaving a blankless soul to die on the streets... how i wish tt lightning would just strike me or some accident would just happen and end all the misery. the flame is extinguish, the soul is gone, the heart has stopped. i need to find them back, and i noe it will always be with you..
and today is a rainy day, even the skies are crying for me? or pitying me? or adding salt to the wound?
please, just end this. end everything..
or maybe.. all of us in future should be selfish and not give all out... the more you give, the deeper shit you are in. i guess, sealing the heart into the darkest part of you is the best way not to get hurt anymore..
I wish you all the best, sincerely and that you have another person there waiting for you..
good bye.
>im really feeling screwed up now, why must my first bookout turn out this way. it really sux.. much as i want to know the truth, the truth does hurts alot, alot.
are all the promises all lies.... are they all patronizing words... are they true...
i need an answer.. even though there is a digital message.. im not convinced and need to hear it instead of reading it...
things that happen once can happen again..
trust- the easiest to break, hardest to build...
Monday, April 27, 2009 >TODAY IS OUR BOOK OUT DAY, BOOK OUT! BOOK OUT! TODAY IS OUR BOOK OUT DAY, O BOOK OUT DAY!
2 weeks in tekong has passed and it do seem quite fast when i think about it. army life is actl quite fun.. just that you are totally off from the civilisation. another thing is that you realise your vocabulary tend to change alot and limited now as well. =x. there will b too many things to blog about army if i go into every details but yea, it is a different experience and you will then treasure what you have.
Sunday, April 12, 2009 >i will say just one word... goodbye.
and.. i officially declare this blog dead...
it will take quite sometime before new puddles are formed.
>tomorrow is da day! in less than 24hours, there will be a new environment, new friends, new beginning. but there will still be some things that never change.
good luck to me!
>went out with family for dinner today on the zheng he cruise restaurant! its a good place to spend your time because the view is quite nice as you walk around the ship. BUT, please eat before going there because the food sucks totally. its most probably catered and like to cheat tourists money.. so yep, if you want a good time or good experience, can go ahead. just eat something first... because, its the lousiest food you can find... -.-.
soon.. in less than 48hours, the new chapter begins..
Friday, April 10, 2009 >sometimes, we need to let go even though letting go isn't easy. i have less than 3 days left before a new beginning and i do not like the closure of a chapter. especially a special one. there will be new challenges, new friends and new experiences.
do enjoy and remember family, friends and school. take care!
手放開
我把自己關起來 只留下一個陽台 每當天黑推開城門 對著夜幕發呆 看著往事 一幕一幕 再次演出你我的愛
我把電視機打開 聽著別人的對白 也許那些故事 可以給我一個交代 你要的愛 我學不來 眼睜睜看情變壞 眼睜睜看情感慨
********************************** chorus
不能給你未來 我還你現在 安靜結束也是另一種對待 當眼淚流下來 傷已超載 分開 也是另一種明白
我給你 最後的疼愛 是 手放開
不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海 感情的污點 就留給時間 慢慢漂白 把愛收進胸前左邊口袋
最後的疼愛 是 手放開
不想用言語拉扯 所以選擇不責怪 感情就像候車月台 有人走 有人來 我的心是一個車牌 寫著 等待 chorus x 2 *********************************
最後的疼愛 是 手放開 不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海 感情的污點 就留給時間 慢慢漂白 把愛收進胸前左邊口袋
最後的疼愛 是 手放開 不想用言語拉扯 所以選擇不責怪 感情就像候車月台 有人走 有人來 我的心是一個車牌 寫著 等待
**********************************
我把收音機打開 聽著別人的失敗 哽咽的聲音 彷彿訴說著 相同悲哀 你的依賴 還在胸懷 我無法輕易推開 我無法隨便走開
感情中 專心的人 容易... 被... 傷... 害...
will be back out on april 30th??
Thursday, April 09, 2009 >went for smu interview this morning. i would say it went quite ok.. considering the fact that it lasted like half an hour?? so sorry to those behind who have to wait so long. (BUT! people ahead of me had taken up extra 30min as well. so.. i just added it to 45 only! heehee. after that, went to meet granma and aunt for lunch, super full! omg. its like i ate everything la. haha. xD
and also the last odac training after that, i will seriously miss it and the chapter after A levels is coming to an end... its quite a fruitful journey as i learnt many things(from work), had the march XP, had lots of fun and laughter.. and.. this is a special chapter because of special appearances.
A new chapter is to begin soon.. im neither apprehensive nor excited for it.. let it go!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009 >Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away I missed you..
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die
Every single day I think about how we came all this way The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!
extracted from buckcherry-sorry.
Voices
Quotes
"if someone loves you,
love them back not only because they love you,
but also because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes
to things you have never seen or felt without them."
(ripped from solasura-honz)
As you envelope my mind,
thoughts are all about you.
I hope that you could walk into the ghost of me.
My heart have been delievered to your doorstep, do you accept this mail?
Could you pull out some time for me
and give both of us a chance to be together.
Waiting isn't a problem,
losing you would be the biggest trauma I would get.
May this day where our hearts bond together come soon.
Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal.
A recollection of poetry
"Twilight funeral"
Blackened and cold is the dusk
A veil where the shadows watch
Behind the dim requiems of light
When blindness envelopes our eyes
Silent and unholy is the dusk
A hole where the demons smirk
Beyond the clutters of human life
When deafness embraces our ears
Sable nothingness is the dusk
A shroud where the ravens flock
Tainting the purity of white clouds
When darkness devours our hearts
Inevitable death is the dusk
A cloak where the daggers hide
Under the facade of tranquility
When mortality is but a quip
- Solasura
"Muted Joy"
Words appearing before aquamarine eyes,
Inner warmth awakened.
Coldened heart was melted,
returning to its liquidfied state.
Hopes of rain fallen,
sheltered by feelings.
Flooded everywhere,
but not a single drop here.
Tune rings by the ears,
Emotions being mixed up.
Weak and deplorable,
Just takes the shape of you.
Ensnared by you,
Unintentionally or intentionally,
unable to be freed,
till Reaper's Scythe appears.
Which will appear first, rain or scythe?
"Solitude"
Time flies when words strung out,
numbing the bitter nerve.
Defrostation took place,
Everything seem to be in summer,
From the frosted white fingers,
darkness in the heart,
you brought warmth and light.
Turning upon an unretaliatable liquid.
Just as words strung out once again,
froze all happiness in me.
Bitterness awakened,
Negligible autumn, forver winterness.
Eclipse seems to take place forever.
Light and warmth never took place,
Darkness and chill,
mutated the mind into an unfeeling solid.
When solitude occurs, does anyone bothers?
- Takizawa
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